Assalamualaikum,
Wahhhhh lame gile xbuka blog ni.. haha
Haqifa ade bgth fina..suruh share kat sini.. you know what? right now i realise something..that, the way i express my feelings is with writing.. I dont know how to tell people about it.. and now what i want to do is..to tell the story what i keep in my heart..the sad, happy, angry, dissapointed.. everythingg..because..this is the only way i can express it :)
I'm going to tell you what happen in these two years..
First day i enter Smk sek 18.. I'm with Syah and Fiqa.. Haqifa got offer from another school..when i know that haqifa going to left me.. my heart really sad..it not that i'm not happy but it just i cant be with her anymore, i keep think positive.. there's still have fiqa an syah that will be my side..
but..
After few weeks maybe..i dont really remember the actual date but something like that..after few weeks, syah got another offer that better that smk sek 18..she told me on Wednesday and she going there the coming Monday.. you know what? What i felt that day??? My heart like crushed ! I dont know why, but i felt like if she accept the offer..i know that..after SPM we'll hard to see each other..i felt like that Friday was like the last day we'll meet. and you know what..right now i feel like what i felt that day is true. No doubt about it. Is hard to met her right now, and I'm sure that when we enter the university, we'll be difficult to see each other.
Then..after few month, after the midterm, fiqa got offer letter from school at Pahang. And she accept it. That time i felt happy for her but in the same time i'm sad because there's no one with me after she go.
After all the people that be my strength is left me.What i feel is i dont have any strenght anymore. But there's one person always be with me.. her name is Syahira Syahmi bt Hashim. She help me, be my side, me soul.. She really my soulmate. haha
And then, after two years.. I with my friends finished our SPM's exam.. Haqifa, fiqa and syah..already home, but eventhough they here but i didnt feel like they were. my heart getting worst.
I feel more lonely, lost, broken, dissapointed. i feel like being ignore all the time.
I knotice that these few days i doing many things with mistake. i know that my self is a person that cant keep in heart to long, the way i realise all these time is just crying. In the beginning it work but if if it been long time, is just like useless to cry because it doesnt feel any better but worst.
What happen these two years make me avode everyone except my family.
These two years, if i want to express my feeling to haqifa or fiqa or syah, i couldnt because they to busy. I understand, it not that i blamed them. No. Not at all. but it just there no one for me anymore. just like i said these two year Syahira accompany me. Thanks to her, i didnt feel really lonely. but i cant admit that i miss my old friend.. but i have to admit that syahira is hero to my life. Alhamdulillah it because Allah's Power.
NOW.
When i'm with fiqa and haqifa, i dont know to story anything to them. maybe these two years i always kept to my heart. i'm sorry but i need time to used that i'm cannot to depands to both of you.. I didnt tell here everything because i do that, it could be a week? haha maybe month.
I really happy that i can chat2 with both of you. but you should know that, i kept to my heart because i been hurt by you. Many times that i do something that i wan to tell you that i'm hurt but you dont understand. So, i kept by myself.
You konw what, it being long time no writing about expressing my feeling. So, it like stupid right now.. haha what a fool i am. I dont think that i want tell it right now. It just complicated :")
I just want to tell you that i'm lonely and need time..
See you next time.
-fina-
